The Work/Life Imbalance
What is work/life balance? Can one actually achieve such a thing?
Employers love promising you that THEY can provide this for you. I have bad news for you, my friend. Most employers are gaslighting you with false narratives (whether they realize it or not) if they’re promising you a work/life balance.
But what does gaslighting mean, Derek? I’m glad you asked! Beyond being a great song by The Chicks (formerly Dixie Chicks), gaslighting is when someone manipulates you through psychological means into believing a false reality. This happens in the workplace when you’re made to feel like you’re being selfish or not committed for taking time for yourself, both on and off the clock. We’ve been conditioned to feel like work is some kind of sacred duty and we owe our employers our livelihood. After all, your healthcare IS tied to your employer (if you’re lucky), so it’s all kinds of intertwined.
By the time most people realize they’re being gaslighted by their employer, they’re usually several months into employment (once the blinders of the honeymoon phase wear off), making it that much harder to break away. Let us not forget the stigma of “job hopping” that we’ve all had ingrained in our brains, dissuading us from leaving a job that makes us unhappy. By the way, that stigma is a classic case of gaslighting.
Now don’t get me wrong; I don’t think all company leadership is evil or intentional in this phenomenon. Nor do I think that every employer is guilty of fostering a work/life imbalance. I truly believe there are employers out there fostering a healthy balance for their employees. This is very much a generalization based on my experiences in Corporate America and the experiences of my network. Most leaders have been gaslighted themselves without even realizing it, and they’re just carrying forth the torch they were handed from… the patriarchy. Or is it white supremacy? Or the white supremacist patriarchy? Familiar with the phrase “drinking the Koolaid?” That’s exactly what’s happening here. From my experience, leaders have to lie to themselves about the mission of the company and their resulting actions to sleep at night.
10 telltale signs you’re being gaslighted at work:
You feel guilty for requesting time off.
You feel guilty for taking a lunch break (or any break).
You feel judged for doing yoga or fitness during work hours.
You come to work sick because you want to save your limited amount of time off for days you can actually enjoy.
You feel like you have to come up with an extreme excuse for taking a sick day.
You don’t feel comfortable saying you’re taking a sick day when it’s a mental health issue.
Your boss assures you they don’t want you to feel overwhelmed, yet provide no solutions to lessen your workload (and oftentimes add MORE to your workload).
You’re made to feel less committed if you consistently prioritize your children’s events. (If you’re made to feel this way for weekend or evening events, RUN!)
You’re made to feel less committed if you’re not regularly checking emails on nights and weekends.
You feel like you have to work nights and weekends to show you’re committed.
One carrot employers are starting to dangle more is unlimited time off. This is a wonderful perk, but like most things, it has its downfalls. Oftentimes, employees report feeling even more guilty about taking time off under these plans because it’s harder to judge how much time off their employer thinks is appropriate. If you’re presented with this plan as an option, be sure to get crystal clear expectations from leadership on how this plan is implemented!
Tips for striking balance in work/life:
Practice mindfulness to help yourself identify when your life is out of balance. We suggest yoga, including meditation and pranayama (breathwork) practice!
Mindfulness: A mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.
Ask your employer to provide wellness programs like “yoga at work” to find that true balance of work and life.
P.S. We offer Corporate discounts for employee memberships starting at 10 employees or more! Contact us at derek@yogaforallhumans.com for more details!
Block off time on your work calendar for a lunch break, yoga class, etc. (we highly suggest Lunch Break Yoga with Derek, but we may be biased).
Take a long weekend once a month if your time off policy allows that flexibility (i.e. take off on a Friday or Monday just BECAUSE!).
Set clear boundaries with your time off the clock (e.g. don’t look at work emails after work hours; also don’t send them).
Take full advantage of time off policies (e.g. if you’re given a set number of bereavement days after a death in the family, take the full number of days rather than cutting it short because you feel guilty).
Block time off on your PERSONAL calendar for things you enjoy. It’s not silly to block off an hour for something like reading!
Work/life balance can mean different things to different people, though. Like any great writer, I took to crowdsourcing on Facebook to see what the people think work/life balance is. Here are some quotes:
“Earn enough money to do what I want, when I want, and enough free time to actually go do it.” - Chris L.
“I don’t think it’s a thing. Work is a part of our lives and why does our personal life have to shut off at work? When you prioritize, that’s a healthier path.” - Chrislyn M.
“Not being so burnt out from work that I can’t even live. That’s it. That’s the balance I’ve been able to strive for as of yet. Ideally, it would be a 50/50 work/life, but how does one achieve that when the time is so disproportionate and the energy can’t be applied equally?” - Krista B.
“Work stays at work and when I’m home I’m not consumed with work calls, emails, etc. Also if there is an emergency or sick child they won’t make me feel guilty if I work from home or miss. Luckily I have that now, but not always and I was miserable.” - Kayla M.
“When work starts to consume home time it is definitely time to re-evaluate work and maybe make some difficult decisions and changes. (Speaking from experience. And BTW life is so much sweeter now!!)” - Janet G.
“Work/life balance means having the freedom to choose to “making a life” over “making a living”, or at the very least, there is a fair balance between both. This may look different depending on the person. For a parent or spouse, it could mean not feeling like you have to choose between family and work. For someone who loves to travel, it could mean not feeling like you have to forfeit your love for travel for your job. It means work does not interfere with life, because you are working to live not living to work, and your employer understands and promotes this. It means that your job respects the person above the professional. We are people doing a job. We are not our job.” - Heather G.
“It’s a constant balancing act. I’m never in balance. Focus on one and the other suffers.” - Lance D.
“Making sacrifices for you and your family's well-being! For me, that means temporarily staying home with my kids rather than being devalued at work and coming home angry and resentful. Less money, but infinitely more happy and satisfied. :)- the perspective of a nurse and mother” - Katy W.
You don’t owe your employer your life. Your life is precious and must be protected at all costs. All you owe them is the time they pay you to work for them. Don’t be gaslighted into feeling like you don’t give enough of yourself. No matter how much you give, it will never be enough in their eyes. It’s a losing battle trying to satisfy most employers, so make sure you put yourself on the winning side where it matters - in your spirit.
How do you find the balance? Does your employer foster a positive work/life balance? Are you an employer that fosters this for your employees? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!
Author: Derek Haigler (Founder of Yoga for All Humans)